Compassionately Candid

I know I am far from perfect. Of course I have my moments when I slip and become or behave a way I would prefer not to; but, sadly, as much as I'd like to disown that behavior it's ME too.

 Over the past two weeks I've been in clinical. I am just getting a taste of what nurses do. So far I am in love. I have reaffirmed this is what I want to and and I actually like charting. What did I observe? Sure I saw and learned many things pertaining to nursing, but more specifically I observed the human condition. I watched and felt the bitter rejection of some nurses who apparently where not welcoming to us as students. I watched CNAs who have been in the field for so long they have become indifferent to their jobs. I witnessed a broken system. A system that has been cultivated by the "market" and "profit". At first glance at this system one might be outraged (and rightly so) but who do you get angry with ? Do you get angry with the aids? the nurses? the children who place their parents in these establishments? the system which creates an environment that leads to these conditions? 

It is hard to truly get mad at anyone. We come in new thinking we understand everything and seeing immediately all the wrong ways that things are being done. We fail to learn that seeing the "real world" is also part of the learning process. I'm not advocating anyone engaging in bad practices I'm simply saying that if all you're doing is criticizing you might be missing a bigger lesson. 

I've worked in both hospital and nursing home. I've seen the right way and the bad way. I have been guilty of poor body mechanics and having come home with aching back. I have NEVER abused anyone or neglected anyone though. The last two weeks have been different I have been able to just observe moments that before I'd be too busy "doing" to really take in. What I realized is, that even though these people and systems have their faults they provide a necessary service to our communities. And that nurse who is angry she still shows up everyday and better that she is nasty to me than her residents. That Aid who is indifferent I caught her hugging a resident. A resident who smiled afterward. That family member who put them there. I saw them come in before breakfast and sit all day in uncomfortable chairs to be near their loved ones. I witnessed the human condition. Flawed, damaged even broken in places, but enduring to carry on the best they can and that includes some moments of imperfection. 

When we see imperfections fix it were where we can, but don't judge too harshly. Will judging them make the problem any better? After all, I know I'm guilty of imperfection. Are you? 

“Everything with me is either worship and passion or pity and understanding. I hate rarely, though when I hate, I hate murderously. [...]. But I am much more preoccupied with loving.” 
― Anaïs Nin, Henry and June: From "A Journal of Love"--The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin